Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
by brie630
Summary: Dean wants to celebrate Christmas. Sam's confused. PWP


Title: Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas  
Author:slf630  
Pairing: Dean/Sam  
Rating: NC-17  
Spoilers/Timeframe: post season six. Christmas 2012  
Disclaimer: It's Kripke's sandbox, I'm just borrowing his toys. I promise to give them back when I'm done.  
Warnings: Wincest (past and current). Past established relationship. Language. Bottom!Sam. Schmoop. Tiny bit of angst.  
Summary: PWP. Dean wants to celebrate Christmas. Sam's confused.  
A/N: Schmoopy Christmas porn! No beta- all mistakes are my own

December 22, 2012

Sam looked at Dean out of the corner of his eye. His brother had been suspiciously quiet for the last two hours since they left the diner- hadn't really said much over breakfast either. Sam racked his brain trying to figure out what he had done to piss Dean off this time. But try as he might, he couldn't think of anything. Their last hunt had been damn near laughingly easy; simple salt and burn like they hadn't seen since the early days. It actually had taken longer to drive to Montana than it had taken to get rid of the ghost. Neither of them were hurt; so that wasn't it either.

Granted things were tense for awhile even after Sam had gotten his soul back a year ago. There was the fall out with Samuel, Bobby's suspicions, the on-going war in Heaven, and Sam's own personal issues. It hadn't been easy to deal with what his soulless self had done. Sam had wanted to hate Dean at the time- was pretty sure for awhile that he did- but now that much needed time had passed, Sam was happy to resouled. Even if his relationship with his brother was still on rather shaky ground. He planned to spend the rest of whatever time Dean was still with him proving that he was sorry and that he was finally _Sam _again.

But still- even with all that- it didn't explain the way that Dean was being. He was currently driving them further into the mountains. Sam had tried several times to ask where they were going only to recieve silence and his brother's profile in response. Sam eventually just stopped asking.

Dean bit the inside of his jaw when Sam looked over at him for the tenth time in as many minutes. His little brother had the puppy dog eyes of doom going complete with the pouty bottom lip. _Fuck_. Little shit was making this hard.

The fact was; Dean had a plan. They were still slightly out of sync since... _fuck_... since Dean himself had come back from Hell. Sam's trip to the cage and the resulting year of miserable loniless then fighting with Heaven, Hell, and Sam himself to get his soul back only made it worse. Sure, as far as hunting went, things were fine. They were well trained but it was more like shear muscle memory. The bond that made them, well _them_, wasn't there. They were stretched way too thin by way too many things. And Dean intended to fix it.

So Dean was forced to ignore Sam. If he were to look at or talk to his little brother, it'd be over. He'd spill the beans after just one look at Sam's dewy sensitive hazel eyes. Eyes that he was so stupidly happy were finally showing emotion again he couldn't even begin to explain. Even when he could see the questions and sadness there as Sam looked across at him- he was so fucking glad that he could at least _see _the sadness again. Besides, they'd be getting to their destination in under an hour and he would finally be able to look at Sam again.

Sam frowned as he turned his attention fully away from Dean to focus out the window. Maybe he could figure out where the hell they were going. He must have drifted off because the next thing he remembered was Dean's hand on his shoulder, shaking gently. He pried his eyes open to find them parked infront of a two-story log cabin surrounded by trees and mountains. He blinked a few times then turned to Dean. "What? Where?" Sam was pretty sure at some point in his life he had actually been more articulate than that.

Dean rolled his eyes but smiled fondly at Sam. _God_, he'd missed this Sam. "Dude, cabin." He pointed out the front window.

Sam opened his mouth then closed it. Dean was acting like that one word explained everything. "I can see that. What're we doing here?"

"Let's just get inside and I'll explain." Dean sighed when Bitchface #27 slid into place. He doesn't remember exactly when he'd started numbering them but the number was ridiculously high. "Promise. Come on." He pushed Sam's shoulder, urging him to open the door.

Sam opened his mouth to once again ask but the hopeful look shining in Dean's hazel green eyes stopped him. With a shrug he unfolded himself out of the car. With an exagerated stretch, he tried- and failed- to get the muscles of his back unclenched. He loved the Impala. He really did, but seriously? Not made for a 6'4'' guy. He threw one more suspicous glance at his brother before grabbing his duffel out of the back and making his way up the three steps to the porch.

Dean smirked to himself as he watched Sam climb the stairs. This was going to be _awesome_. Grabbing his own bag, Dean slowly made his way over to join his brother on the porch. He slipped the key into the lock and pushed the door open. Laying one hand gently against the small of Sam's back, he nudged slightly. "Go on, dude."

Sam tensed at the feel of Dean's hand on his back. It's not that he cared that his brother touched him. It was just that he _hadn't_. Not in a very long time. Stepping forward into the room, he thought that would cause Dean to drop his hand. Sam was wrong. Dean's warm, strong hand stayed pressing into him. And even through too many layers of clothes to count; Sam felt it like bare skin.

They stopped in the entrance way and looked around. There was an open large living room directly infront of them with a couch, a TV and a large stone fireplace. To the right was the kitchen and a small dining area. At the rear of the main room was a set of stairs that they assumed lead to bedrooms and the bathroom.

Dean looked around quickly then back to Sam. "Well?"

Sam turned his eyes to Dean and was taken aback by the look of expectation and hint of nerves he saw in his big brother's eyes. "'s nice, Dean. I just still don't get it."

Dean smiled as he dropped his bag on the floor at his feet. "Things have just been so tense and shitty lately I figured we needed a break. So here we are." He shrugged.

Sam frowned slightly. He was seriously tempted to toss some holy water or yell Christo or even check to make sure that Dean's tat was still there and the lines wheren't broken. "What?"

"We need a break, man. When I mentioned something to Bobby he told me about this place. Belongs to a hunter friend of his. Guy's outta the country on some hunt and told Bobby he could use it. Bobby offered it to us."

"Is this really the best time for a vacation?"

"Look, I'm not stupid, Sam. I checked with Bobby first. There's no hunts going on. Hell, I even checked with Cas and for right now things are even quiet on his end. So we should take advantage while we can." He smiled.

Dean's smile was contagious and Sam felt himself smile in return. He rarely got to see his brother happy any more and if this is what it took, then Sam was ok with taking a few days off. "Ok, sure man."

Dean realized that he still had his hand laying on Sam's back. He let it travel up to Sam's shoulder; squeezing it briefly before turning away. "So there's a town about 30 minutes away. I'm gonna go get us some supplies before any more snow comes."

Sam dropped his bag and nodded. "'kay. Let's go."

Dean tensed slightly. He couldn't let Sam come with him- that would ruin more than half of his plan. "Nah, man. Stay here. I can go alone." He turned toward the door. "Read a book. Start a fire. Take a nap. Something." He stopped just a the door. "No wi-fi though, so internet porn is out." He laughed at the sour look on Sam's face. He looked kind of ridiculously cute with his nose scrunched up like that. Shaking his head at himself, Dean rushed out the door.

Sam felt like a fish out of water the way that his mouth opened and closed a few times. Dean had just ditched him at a cabin in the middle of fucking nowhere Montana with nothing to do. With a deep truly put upon sigh that no one was around to hear, Sam picked up both of their bags and headed for the stairs in the back of the room. He stared at the single king sized bed that sat in the middle of the loft like bedroom. "Well, fuck," he whispered as he dropped the bags at his feet.

He stared at the bed for a few more minutes before turning and practically running down the stairs. He didn't mind sharing a bed but he was pretty damn sure Dean would have a problem. Turning to the fireplace he set about starting a fire with the logs that where piled on the stone hearth. Once done he striped out of his jacket and flopped down on the couch, eyes studying the dancing flames a few feet away from him.

Sam wasn't sure how long he sat watching the fire- could've been minutes, could've been hours. So far into his own head, he didn't hear the Impala pull up. He jumped slightly when Dean busted through the door, arms loaded down with plastic grocery bags. He was on his feet immediately; fully intending to help. "Need a hand?" he asked around a chuckle as he watched his brother struggle.

"Nah, 'm good." Dean dismissed as he dropped the bags on the small dining table. He caught the dejected look again on Sam's face as he shucked off his jacket. "You can help put this shit away if ya wanna."

Sam rolled his shoulders, trying to shake off the continued feelings of dismissal. "Yeah, sure." He paused, looking over his shoulder. "Anything left in the car?"

"Nope," Dean answered quickly.

The brothers unpacked the groceries in silence. Sam frowned slightly at the amount of food and supplies Dean bought. There was enough to last them at least a week- if not more. Mind wondering back to the single bed upstairs, Sam's frown increased. "Did you know there's only one bed?"

Dean shrugged as he looked at Sam out of the corner of his eye. "No biggie. You can have it. I'll take the couch."

"Dean..."

Dean interupted before Sam could say anything more than his name. "Seriously Sam. There's no way that you'd fit on that couch and be comfortable." He smiled as he met Sam's eyes. "I don't mind."

Sam's shoulders sagged as he nodded. Some stupid small part of him had held out hope that Dean would say that they could share. "Sure. Thanks Dean," Sam near whispered.

Dean's brow furrowed at the tone of Sam's voice. He had always been able to read Sam; the fact that he couldn't at that point hurt more than he wanted to admit. "You ok, Sammy?"

"Yeah, of course Dean. Just tired I guess," Sam lied. How could he possibly begin to explain to Dean what was _really _wrong?

"I can go ahead and make some dinner if ya want so you can turn in early."

Sam rubbed his forehead. It was just barely dark outside, but he just couldn't be around Dean at the moment. "Not really hungry. Think 'm just gonna go ahead and go to bed."

"Sure. Night Sammy."

"Night Dean."

Dean noticed the slump of Sam's shoulders as he climbed the stairs to the bedroom. He hated seeing his little brother like this. And he hated himself even more for the fact that he didn't know how to fix it anymore. With a sigh, Dean flopped down on the couch and listened to Sam take a shower and get ready for bed.

**December 23, 2012**

Sam pried his gritty eyes open and glared at the clock next to the bed. If he was on fucking vacation why the hell was he up at 7:30 in the damn morning? Throwing his arms over his head, he stretched out his back before burrowing down further under the blankets. The mattress was soft and the bed big enough that he actually fit in it. He was just about back to sleep until the smell of coffee and food wafted up to him. Mmm. Maybe more sleep could wait. He got up slowly and padded barefoot across the slightly chilly wooden floor to the stairs.

Dean was humming softly as he poured batter on a griddle. He smiled when he heard Sam beginning to move around upstairs. He turned quickly and poured his little brother a cup of fresh coffee; fixing it just the way he liked.

Sam's eyes widened as he got to the bottom of the steps. There was a large Christmas tree- fully decorated- in the corner. There were lights and wreaths hung everywhere. He stopped dead in his tracks as he took one step into the kitchen. Dean was barefoot wearing nothing but a pair of low slung jeans; barely hanging on his hips. He was humming something Sam couldn't place and cooking. Brow furrowed, he moved closer to his brother. "Uh, Dean?"

Dean turned to Sam, bright smile crinkling the corner of his eyes. "Mornin' Sammy."

Sam licked his lips. "What the hell's all this?"

"This, my dear brother, is Christmas." He motioned to the dining room table. "Go sit. You know how I hate when you hover in the kitchen."

"That was when I was 10," Sam argued. "What's the sudden interest in Christmas again, man?" Sam's frown deepened. "Did I miss something? Is one of us dying again?"

Dean laughed. "What? No, dude." He turned back around to slip the pancakes he was making onto a plate. "C'mon, go sit." He waited until Sam sat and placed a big stack in front of him. "Chocolate chip pancakes." He went back and grabbed Sam's coffee. "And coffee."

Sam watched as Dean made his own plate and coffee then joined him at the small table. They ate in silence for a few moments before Sam's curiosity got the better of him. "Seriously Dean. What is all this?"

Dean looked up from his plate, head tilted slightly to the side. "It's Christmas Sammy. We've had a crappy coupla years. Just thought that it might be nice to take a break and celebrate the holiday man."

Sam frowned as he chewed on the side of his lip. It certainly wasn't the weirdest thing his brother had ever done. And the hopeful look in his eyes that was starting to slowly fade the longer Sam didn't answer was enough. "Yeah, ok. Sure Dean." Sam paused for just another second. "You aren't planning on doing the gift thing are ya? Cause I totally wasn't expecting this."

Dean laughed. "Nah, man. Just wanna hang out and relax."

Sam nodded and they finished the rest of their breakfast in silence.

Sam offered to wash up after breakfast but Dean shooed him out of the kitchen. Sam shrugged and wandered into the main room, eyes landing on the bookshelves on either side of the fireplace. He hadn't had a chance to look at them the day before but since Dean wouldn't let him do anything it seemed like a good time to do it. He found a few interesting ones and plopped down on the couch. He heard Dean finish up in the kitchen and walk towards him. He looked up at his brother with a smile. "Wanna sit? I can move."

"Nah, 'm good. Gonna actually go out and make sure we got enough wood before any more snow comes." Dean slipped into his jacket before turning to the door.

"Want some help?" Sam sat his book down and sat up.

"No. Read your book." Dean flashed him a brilliant smile before he left.

Sam furrowed his brow as he stood up and moved to the front window. He could see Dean checking the pile of wood on the porch before he walked down the steps to the pile that needed to still be chopped near the corner of the cabin. Sam was mesmerized by the sight of Dean chopping the wood; always loved to watch his big brother doing anything physical. He let his mind wonder as he watched Dean work. Not for the first time he wondered if there would ever be a time that they could get back what they lost so long ago. He still wanted Dean, never stopped. But he was sure that his brother didn't feel the same. Dean was the one, after all, who ended it. The betrayal of Ruby something that Dean could never get over. And Dean hadn't touched him in an unnecessary way since he found out that Sam was using his _physic crap _to exorsize demons; and Ruby was the one helping him. He sighed heavily and with one last longing look at Dean, he turned back to the couch and tried to concentrate on the book he was reading.

Dean smiled at his little brother when he made his way back into the cabin. "Gonna go grab a shower." Sam nodded. Dean ruffled Sam's hair as he walked by, heading towards the stairs. Once upstairs, Dean stripped and climbed into the shower. Beyond getting them there, Dean had no real plan for what to do next. He wanted to try to get things back with Sam; just didn't know _how _to do it. Didn't even know if Sam _wanted _it. Things had been so strained with them since shortly after he got back from hell himself. He just hoped that this little vacation would help him figure out where Sam stood on the subject of _them_.

Dean shut off the shower and dressed quickly. From the bedroom he could see into the living room and see Sam lying on the couch; still reading his book. He stood watching his little brother for several long minutes before sighing and going on down the stairs. Sam looked up briefly when he stepped into the room. Dean didn't say anything as he moved to the end of the couch and picked up Sam's feet, settling them back down across his thighs once he sat. "Will it distract you if I turn on the TV?"

Sam starred at Dean for a moment, mouth slightly agape. "Uh, no. Go right ahead." He furrowed his brow. "You want me to sit up?"

Dean smiled at Sam before turning on the TV. "Nah. You're fine."

Sam tried to go back to reading his book but was caught up in the way Dean's thumb was stroking his ankle bone lightly. He must have fell asleep because the next thing he was aware of was Dean lightly shaking his shoulder. He blinked as he looked up at his big brother. "Wha?"

Dean smiled fondly at Sam. "Get up and come get some dinner."

Sam frowned. "You cooked dinner?" Dean nodded. "Time's it?"

"Dinner time." He held his hand out to Sam. "Now come on."

Sam shrugged and let Dean help him up.

Sam once again offered to help clean up after another nearly silent meal and Dean once again shooed him away. To say that Sam was more than a little confused was an understatement. He sat at the small table and watched as Dean did the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen. He brought two beers back to the table with him when he was done. "Wanna play some cards?" Dean asked with a smile.

Sam took the offered beer with a smile. "Yeah sure. Sounds like fun."

Dean smiled again before running up to the bedroom to get the deck from his bag. They drank several beers a piece; laughing and playing poker for hours. Dean rolled his eyes when Sam tried to hide a yawn. "Why don't you go on and go to bed, Sammy?"

Sam smiled sheepishly. "It is gettin' kinda late." He stood up to leave but turned back to Dean. "This was fun, Dean." He walked to the bottom of the stairs and stopped again. "Hey Dean?"

"Hmm?"

"Ya know the bed is plenty big enough. We can share. I mean if ya don't wanna sleep on the couch." Sam bit down on his bottom lip as he ran a hand through his hair.

Dean licked his lips; fingers still running over the slick finish of the cards. "Yeah, maybe I will." He paused for a second, studying Sam. "Night, Sammy."

Sam nodded once. "Night Dean." He tried not to get his hopes up as he climbed the steps.

**December 24, 2012**

Sam woke the next morning to find himself snuggled warmly against Dean's chest. They were both on their left sides; Dean's hand warm and heavy on Sam's hip. Panic set in quickly and Sam's stomach twisted. He tried to slide out from under Dean's hand, only to feel his brother tighten his hold. "'s early, Sammy. Go back ta sleep." Dean mumbled.

Sam laid still for half a second more before he jumped up; heart pounding in his chest. Dean frowned at him without opening his eyes as Sam backed away from the bed. "I..." He swallowed thickly. "I can't." His voice broke on the last word. He heard Dean calling his name as he quickly made his way down the steps.

Dean flopped over onto his back with a groan as he listened to Sam making coffee downstairs. Starring at the ceiling, Dean tried not to be disappointed by Sam's reaction. He had brought them here to gauge Sam's feelings and now he knew. With a sigh, he got up and got dressed.

Sam looked up when he heard Dean coming down the steps. He'd just act normal and hopefully Dean wouldn't call him on his freak out or the sleep cuddling. "Want some coffee?"

Dean didn't even look at his brother as he slid his jacket on. "Nah. 'mma go for a walk."

Sam closed his eyes and sighed as he listened to Dean walk out the door. He flinched when the soft click echoed loudly in the quiet cabin.

Sam gave Dean an hour before he texted. Two hours before he called. Three hours before he went out looking for him. The fourth hour found Sam pacing the small rug just inside the front door. He was pretty sure that his heart stopped when Dean shouldered the door open. Sam rounded on his brother quickly; worry, fear, and anger warring for dominance. "Where the fuck have you been?"

Dean froze mid-step and blinked owlishly for a moment. "What are you now, my fuckin' wife?"

"I've been worried sick, man." Sam inhaled deeply through his nose, trying desperately to calm down. "You were gone for four fuckin' hours, Dean."

Dean shoved past Sam and shrugged out of his jacket. "Told ya I was going for a walk. Needed to clear my head." He stopped but didn't turn back to face Sam. "You were right. This was a stupid idea. Pack your shit and we'll leave."

Sam frowned at his brother's back. "Thought you wanted to celebrate Christmas?"

"What's there to celebrate?" Dean closed his eyes when he felt Sam's warm hand close around his bicep; trying to prevent him from walking further away.

"Dean, are you mad at me? Is this about this morning?"

Dean turned around at that. "What?"

"'m sorry about that. I... uh... I must have snuggled back into you in my sleep. 'm sorry." Sam felt the blush settle high on his cheekbones.

Dean tilted his head to the side and quirked an eyebrow. "First off. No. I'm not mad. You haven't done anything wrong. Secondly, I pulled you back into my arms." Dean bit his lip as he studied Sam's eyes.

"Why would you... Were you asleep? Think that I was Lisa?" Sam's confusion was evident. He had no idea why his brother would want to snuggle with him after everything.

Dean dropped his gaze to Sam's chest; one hand rubbing the back of his neck. "No man. That had nothing to do with Lisa, believe me. I know damn well who I had in my arms. Who I _wanted _in my arms."

"You... me... What?" Sam took a second to think that he was pretty sure that at one point in his life he was able to speak in complete sentences.

Dean chuckled fondly before hooking one finger through Sam's belt loop. With a tiny tug, he pulled Sam forward. "I brought us up here to be together, dumbass. The whole celebrating Christmas thing was an excuse." He licked his lips, eyes intent on Sam's.

Sam furrowed his brow. "I still don't get it Dean."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Are you being clueless on purpose just to make me say it?"

Sam was starting to get frustrated; not only from confusion but also Dean pressed solidly against his chest. "Say what?"

Dean heaved a sigh. "I miss us Sam. I wanted to see if there was anything still there. And when you freaked out and jumped outta bed this morning like you'd been shot, I thought that meant that you didn't want me to touch you."

"I was afraid that you'd get mad about me being snuggled against you. That's why I ran." Sam's eyes widened when the rest of what Dean said actually registered. "You still wanna be with me?"

Dean kept his finger tucked in Sam's belt loop, palm cupping his hipbone. "I know things have been... strained for awhile now and that's more than partly my fault..." Dean furrowed his brow. "I understand if you don't still feel the same."

Sam cut Dean off. "What? That's not it at all." Sam shook his head, inhaling deeply through his nose. "I was so messed up while you were gone and Ruby..." Sam paused, face crumbling the way it always did when he thought about how badly he betrayed his brother back then. "Anyway. No matter how messed up I was then or have been since, I've never not wanted to have you back."

Dean narrowed his eyes slightly. "Sure about that, Sammy?"

Sam sighed a humorless chuckle. "Dean, I've been in love with you since I was 15, man. That has never changed." Sam wrapped his arms Dean's shoulders, pulling him closer. "No matter what has happened it was always you. Still is you."

Dean bit his bottom lip; hand not still gripping Sam's hip moving up to cup his cheek. He smiled when Sam closed his eyes; leaning into the touch. Thumb rubbing over Sam's cheekbone, Dean whispered, "Sammy."

Sam dropped his forehead to rest against Dean's; strangled sob getting caught in his throat. He had always hoped that they could get this part of them back but never really expected it. The thought of being able to touch and kiss Dean again; for Dean to do the same caused heat to pool low in his stomach. "Dean..." His brother's name a growl, prayer, and plea all rolled into one. Dean's hand on his hip slipped around to the small of his back- under his t-shirt; palm rubbing soothing circles against the skin.

No matter the distance between them for all those years; Dean knew his brother. Knew that Sam was scared, turned on, hopeful and still slightly confused all by the way his name fell from Sam's lips. "Shh. It's ok. I gotcha."

All at once, Sam was 15 again and this was their first time. He wanted to crawl into his brother's lap and bury himself in arms strong enough to protect him from anything. The onslaught of feelings, memories and emotions were too much. Sam's knees buckled; would have ended up in a heap on the floor if not for the hold Dean had on him. He buried his face in the warm crook of Dean's neck; embarassed that he was 29 and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Tears burned hot behind his still closed eyes.

Dean held Sam close; 33 years of big brother instincts to 'protect Sammy' erasing everything else outside the fact that his little brother needed him. He let them stay like that long enough for the slight tremble he felt in Sam's shoulders to stop before whispering against Sam's temple, "Let's go upstairs." There was no intent behind the words other than the need to get Sam off his feet so he didn't collapse where they stood. He felt Sam nod against his neck. Keeping one arm wrapped around Sam's waist, he pulled them toward the steps. Sam turned enough to walk but still kept his head on Dean's shoulder.

Sam defaulted to Dean as always to take the lead. They made their way up the stairs and Dean gently pushed Sam down onto the soft mattress. Dean tugged Sam's shoes, socks and jeans off before doing the same with his own. He crawled into bed beside Sam, pulling him into his arms. Sam laid with his cheek pressed against the soft cotton of Dean's shirt, head tucked under Dean's chin. Dean wrapped both arms around Sam's shoulders and held him tight. The overwhelming emotions caught up and Sam found himself suddenly more exhausted than he had been in a long time. He snuggled closer to Dean's side, one arm sliding across his big brother's chest before he fell asleep.

Sam woke several hours later to find Dean looking down at him, one hand carding gently through his hair. Sam smiled sheepishly. "Hey."

"Hey." Dean smiled in return. "Feel better?"

Sam nodded but looked away from Dean. "Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for." Dean paused, arm tigthening around Sam's shoulder. "Wanna tell me what that was all about now?"

Sam sighed. "Too much emotion all at once I guess. Overwhelmed me a bit." Sam finished on a whisper.

Dean's whole body tensed; worried that the onslaught of feelings could damage or push too hard at the 'wall' that Death left behind in Sam's mind. "But you're ok right?"

Sam knew what Dean was worried about. "Yeah, Dean. Didn't shake anything loose." He felt his brother relax again. "So what now?"

Dean used the hand in Sam's hair to tilt his head up. Dean smiled before dropping a kiss on the tip of Sam's nose. "It's almost dinner time. You hungry?"

Sam let his head fall back to Dean's chest. "Yeah, I guess." He had meant what now between them. But apparently Dean didn't want to discuss that.

Dean pressed a kiss against the top of Sam's messy too long hair. "Rest here for awhile longer. I'll go make us something to eat, 'kay?"

"I can help."

Dean shook his head. "No. It's ok. Just stay here." He rolled Sam onto his back so he could look down into his eyes. One hand holding his head up, Dean used the other to cup Sam's cheek. "Just let me take care of you. 's been nice the last few days; takin' care of you again. Missed it."

Sam smiled as he leaned into the touch. "Don't wanna be a burden though."

Dean sighed as he rolled his eyes. "Never been a burden, Sammy," he whispered against Sam's lips.

Sam deepened the kiss for a moment before pulling back with a smirk. "'kay then. Go make me food."

"Bitch," Dean chuckled fondly before rolling off of Sam and standing up.

"Jerk," Sam responded automatically to his brother's retreating back.

After dinner, Sam settled on the couch with a book while Dean flipped through various Christmas specials on the TV. Finally giving up, Dean settled on 'The Christmas Story' and threw the remote on the table. He looked at Sam out of the corner of his eye. His little brother some how managed to curl his long legs under him and was sitting as far as he could in the corner of the couch. Dean chewed on his bottom lip for a moment before he reached out and grabbed Sam's arm. When Sam looked up, Dean pulled harder on his arm. "C'mere," he murmered.

Sam frowned at Dean; not sure what his brother wanted. "What?"

Dean swung one leg up onto the couch, the other foot still on the floor. "C'mere," he repeated as he patted the couch between his spread legs.

Sam's eyes widened for a moment before he nodded slightly. He wiggled around until his back was pressed against Dean's chest; head laying on his brother's shoulder. He felt Dean sigh contentedly and smiled to himself. Sam snuggled down further and picked his book back up.

Dean wrapped one arm around Sam's waist, he other absentmindedly running through his long hair while he watched the rest of the movie.

**December 25, 2012**

"Sammy."

Sam woke up to Dean shaking his shoulder gently. "Hmm?"

"C'mon, let's go to bed," Dean whispered against Sam's ear.

"M'kay," Sam muttered sleepily. He stood up and stretched. "'s it Christmas yet?"

Dean smiled up at his brother, momentarily distracted by the strip of skin just visible over the waistband of Sam's jeans. "What? Oh yeah. 's a little after midnight."

Sam leaned down, chaste kiss pressed to Dean's lips. "Merry Christmas, bro."

"Merry Christmas, Sammy." Dean stood up, one arm slipping around Sam's waist; leading him toward the steps. Once upstairs, Dean pulled Sam into his arms, chests together. Licking his lips, Dean looked up at Sam. "You want me to stay up here with you or go back downstairs?"

Sam rolled his eyes. "Why would I want you to go back downstairs?" He frowned, eyes wide as he blinked down at Dean. "Unless you don't wanna stay up here."

Dean shook his head, "No. I wanna stay. I mean... if you want me to." Dean couldn't explain why he was suddenly nervous.

"Stay. Please Dean."

Dean nodded before pressing another chaste kiss against Sam's lips. He dropped his arms and walked around to the other side of the bed. Stripping down to his boxer briefs and t-shirt; Dean laid down and waited for Sam to do the same.

Sam laid on his back looking up at Dean; who was laying on his side, head cradled in one hand. The other hand was warm and heavy on Sam's hip. "Dean..."

"Tell me what you want Sammy," Dean purred as he dipped down, lips and teeth dragging down the long line of Sam's neck.

Sam threw his head back, neck arching to give Dean more room. "God... want you..." he moaned.

"'m right here, baby boy." Dean slid his hand under Sam's shirt, skin warm beneath his palm. He pushed the shirt up Sam's chest. "Off," Dean commanded softly.

Sam sat up enough to pull the shirt over his head, throwing it on the floor. He dropped back down to the mattress, hand tugging at the hem of Dean's shirt. "You too."

Dean smirked down at Sam before pulling off his own shirt. He laid back down, the feeling of flesh against flesh causing Dean's eyes to flutter closed for a moment. "Shit, Sammy..."

Sam could feel Dean's cock pressed against his hip. Fingers clumsy and shaking, Sam pushed at the waistband of Dean's shorts. "Wanna feel all of you."

Dean pushed up onto his knees, hands at Sam's hips. "Lift up." Dean licked his lips as Sam lifted his hips up enough for him to peel off Sam's boxers before shifting to take off his own. Sliding his whole body along Sam's, Dean laid down; hips and chests pressed together. They both moaned when their cocks rubbed together. Dean ground down, seeking friction for his aching erection. Hands bracketing Sam's head, taking some of his weight; Dean dipped down to kiss, nip and suck along Sam's neck and jaw.

Sam's back arched slightly off the mattress, head thrown back to give Dean more access. Hands still shaking, Sam gripped Dean's hips; fingers digging in hard enough to bruise. "Please..." Sam groaned, unsure what he was begging for.

Dean moved back up to Sam's lips. "Shh... I gotcha..." Dean whispered against Sam's mouth before licking his way inside. Dean pulled back slightly, chest heaving. He dropped his forehead down against Sam's. "Jesus... Sam."

"Do you," Sam panted. "Do you have anything?"

Dean bit his lip as he looked down into Sam's lust blown eyes. "Yeah," he rasped. Dean rolled off of Sam; smirking at the unhappy whimper from his little brother. He leaned over Sam again, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "Just gotta get in my bag. Only be a second, little brother."

Dean moved swiftly to his duffel; definately not wanting to keep Sam waiting. He had specifically bought lube and condoms while he was in town their first day there; solely on the off chance that this _might _happen. He grabbed the bottle of slick and a few rubbers- no sense having to get back up later if there is a second- _or third_- round. Dean turned around and all rational thought rushed out of him- along with any available oxygen. Sam was lying slightly propped against the pillows and headboard- eyes heavy lidded and dark. He was chewing gently on his bottom lip; skin slick and slightly red. His too long hair was sweat damp and messy where Dean's hands had been tangled in it. Dean managed to tear his eyes away to rake down the rest of his little brother. Broad chest and shoulders stained with a light pink flush of arousal that tapered into flat abs and lean hips. His long legs were bent, feet flat on the mattress- strong thigh muscles straining as he shifted. Long fingers of his right hand wrapped loosely around his thick cock- precome leaking; slicking the way for him to fuck gently into his own fist. Dean's own cock twitched in anticipation; mouth dry as he took in the long line of tanned skin and muscle. "Jesus fuckin' Christ, Sam," Dean growled. His little brother was a walking, talking wet dream.

Sam bit down harder on his lip when he noticed Dean's intense gaze caressing over his whole body- phantom feel of his brother's hands taking the same path making lightning bolts of pleasure shoot down his spine to settle low in his belly. Dean was standing just at the end of the bed, chest heaving with his panted breaths; muscles rippling in the low light from the moon spilling into the room. "Dean..." Sam moaned pitifully.

Dean moved forward enough to place one knee on the mattress. "Fuckin' beautiful..." He murmured before crawling between Sam's spread thighs. He dropped the condoms and lube near Sam's hip before crashing down into another searing kiss- wet dirty slide of lips and tongues.

Sam looked down at the items lying next to his hip when Dean pulled away from him. He frowned when he saw the condoms- they hadn't used them since the first time- eyes flicking back up to Dean's. "Dean?"

Dean followed Sam's gaze before meeting his eyes again. He brought one hand up, thumb smoothing over the furrow between Sam's eyebrows. "Sammy..."

Sam shook his head. "Don't want one. Can we..." He paused, eyes searching Dean's. "Like before?" He asked quietly.

Dean licked his lips; studying his little brother's face. Sam had been the only person he'd ever went bare with- even Lisa. And despite Sam's more torrid activities while he was sans soul, Dean was pretty sure that his little brother was smart enough to use protection. "You sure?" Dean's voice was just as quiet.

Sam nodded. "Wanna feel you." He chewed on the inside of his jaw for a second. "I've been safe."

Dean smiled before pressing an almost chaste kiss to Sam's still slightly pouty lips. "Ok," He whispered into the kiss before throwing the condoms on the floor. He pulled away enough to slick his fingers before bending down over Sam's cock. He licked the underside from root to tip; index finger gently circling Sam's furled muscle. Dean clamped down on the urge to just ram his fingers into Sam- _four fucking years _of lust and frustration barely contained.

Sam whined low in his throat; teasing driving him crazy. He rocked his hips down, trying to get Dean's finger inside. "C'mon, please..." he groaned.

Dean shook his head. "Been a long time Sam," Dean responded even as he pressed slightly forward; tip of his finger breaching the tight muscle.

"Do it," Sam growled as he shifted again.

Dean's stomach clenched with the thought that maybe it _hadn't _been so long for Sam. They'd both been with girls since they stopped doing this; _that _Dean could handle. The idea though, that Sam might have been with another _man _had Dean pulling away. He knew he had no right to feel that way; Sam was free to be with whoever he pleased. There was just that irrational feeling that this was just for them. Sam was supposed to be _his _this way.

Sam frowned when he felt Dean pulling away from him. "Dean?"

Dean smiled shakily. "Sorry." He licked his lips. "Didn't wanna hurt you. Thought I needed to take it slow."

Sam sighed as he pulled Dean down against his chest. "Hasn't been anyone since you," he whispered against Dean's temple. "Just want this so much. Don't wanna wait."

Dean let out a breath that he wasn't even aware he'd been holding. "Sorry."

"'s ok. Don't need to be." Sam nuzzled his nose into the hair above Dean's ear. "Just want you to fuck me," he purred, lips hovering over Dean's ear. He chuckled fondly when Dean shuddered.

Dean ran his hand down Sam's side. "Ok. Still don't wanna hurt you. 's been four years, Sammy."

"You won't." Sam shifted his hips again. "Please, Dean."

Dean nodded as he repositioned himself between Sam's spread legs. He suckled at the head of Sam's cock as he pushed his index finger into Sam's ass. Dean's own cock twitched at the thought of being buried in that tight warmth again after so long. His eyes never strayed from Sam's face, watching for signs of too much discomfort. He pumped his finger in and out until Sam started to squirm again, hips pressing down seeking more. He pulled away and pressed back in with two fingers. Twisting and scissoring the digits, he sunk down further on Sam's cock.

The burn at first was almost overwhelming but Sam was careful not to let it show. He wanted the burn and stretch- reminder that this was real. His eyes slammed closed when the tips of Dean's fingers found his prostate. "Fuck... Dean..." he whimpered; back arching off the bed.

Dean smirked around Sam's cock. Been four years and he _still _knew how to drive his little brother crazy. He hollowed his cheeks as he continually rubbed over the small bundle of nerves.

"Please, 'm ready. Please," Sam begged, head thrashing back and forth.

"Almost. Just one more, baby," Dean purred as he slid a third finger in.

The rough, fucked out tone of Dean's voice shot straight to Sam's cock. Sam surged off the mattress, long fingers grabbing as much of Dean's short hair as he could. He pulled his brother into a sloppy wet kiss. "Please Dean. Fuck me. Want you inside me. Please," Sam babbled into Dean's mouth; too far gone to know or really care what he was saying.

Dean pulled his fingers away; Sam whimpering at the loss. He squeezed more lube into his hand, fingers curling around his own cock. His head dropped back, low moan escaping as he fucked into his own fist for a few moments. His other hand guided one of Sam's legs around his waist. Bottom lip trapped between his teeth, Dean pressed the head of his dick against Sam's ass. They both froze when just the head slipped inside. "Oh fuck... Sammy... so fuckin' tight."

Sam gasped; whole body going tense for a moment. He forced himself to breathe; letting his muscles relax and body remember that he liked this. He licked his lips, nodding slightly when Dean's eyes found his. "'m ok."

Dean pushed forward further; starting and stopping a few times until he was fully inside. His head dropped down, forehead pressed to Sam's collarbone. His whole body trembled with the exertion of not thrusting into Sam like he wanted to. He groaned when Sam shifted, ass mucles clenching to test the stretch. "I..." he cleared his throat. "I gotta move. Please tell me you're ready."

Sam wrapped his long arms around Dean. "Yeah," he breathed.

Dean pulled almost all the way out before sliding back in a few times; eyes rolling back into his head at the friction. He set a slow steady pace; still fighting the need to slam into Sam; claim his little brother's body the way he wanted to. "So good..." he moaned against the side of Sam's head.

Sam arched his back when Dean's cock ran over his prostate. "Harder."

Dean closed his eyes as his hips picked up speed; pulling out and slamming back into Sam hard enough to shift him up the mattress. His hands slid under Sam's back when his little brother arched up again, fingers curling over Sam's shoulders. Hips shifting slightly, he made sure to hit Sam's prostate on every thrust. Too much time and distance brought him too close too fast. "Touch yourself Sammy."

Sam wormed his hand between their sweat slick stomachs; long fingers curling around his cock. He fucked into his own fist at the same rhythm Dean fucked into his ass. Pleasure coursed through his whole body. "'m close," he moaned quietly.

"Shit... me too. Come for me, baby." Dean forced his eyes to stay open, wanted to see Sam fall apart beneath him, _for _him.

Sam arched off the bed, back bowed as his balls pulled tight to his body. He sped up his hand, desperate for release. He locked eyes with Dean, the love he saw in his hazel green gaze pushing him over the edge. He cried out Dean's name as his orgasm hit; come painting their stomachs and his own fist.

The sight and feel of Sam coming had always been enough to push Dean over the edge himself. He held off long enough to rock Sam through the trembling aftershocks before letting go. "Sammy..." Dean moaned as he came buried deep in Sam's still quivering ass.

Sam's arms felt like lead as he let them fall from around Dean's shoulders. He smiled up at his brother; Dean's arms trembling from trying to hold his weight off Sam's body. Sam rolled his eyes before pulling Dean down to rest against his chest. "That was fuckin' amazing," he breathed against Dean's hair.

Dean hummed as he nuzzled his nose under Sam's jaw. He kissed the sweaty flesh over Sam's still fluttering pulse. "Always was."

Sam wrapped his fingers around Dean's hips when he felt his brother shift. "Don't." He swallowed thickly. "Stay for a minute." Sam didn't want to lose the heat and weight of his brother's body on and inside him. He felt Dean chuckle against his neck but he stayed where he was. Sam's eyes slid closed; sleep pulling at him. "Merry Christmas, Dean."

Dean knew that Sam was half asleep. Knew that if he stayed where he was, cleaning up in the morning would be a bitch. But he just couldn't bring himself to move- body boneless and sated. "Merry Christmas, Sammy," he whispered as his own eyes closed.


End file.
